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The World According to the News Headlines – Bizarre But Funny

World News

The World According to the News Headlines – Bizarre But Funny


News headlines are a large thing everywhere in the international. The way a headline is placed up can make or smash the medium it comes via. Nevertheless, it is something all of us rely on to preserve the happenings in the world.

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It’s a mad, mad, mad international, and you may examine ALL about it within the information. Here are some actual news headlines, in which, let’s assume, the journalists outdid themselves.

1. Queen Mary having bottom scraped
2. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
3. Squad enables canine chunk sufferer
4. Disney Stories Are Unfair On Mad People Says, Doctor
5. Turkey Votes for Christmas
6. Panda mating fails – veterinarian takes over
7. Vegetables Start Talking To Professor
8. Race Cyclists Caught Speeding
9. “Weirdos” Will Visit Cornwall
10. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
11. Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us
12. Did Parrots Coexist With Dinosaurs?
13. Tortoises Held Hostage As Lobster War Turns Nasty
14. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
15. Woman From Mars Says Nothing
16. Diaper Market Bottoms Out
17. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
18. Prostitutes attraction to Pope
19. Two One-Legged Inmates Skip Jail
20. Steals Clock, Faces Time
21. Water Missing In The Middle Of The Sea
22. There Can Be No Excuse For Drinking While Under The Influence Of Alcohol
23. Virgins Are Discovered In Essex
24. We Think Rain Caused The Floods, Says Thames Water
25. Lawmen from Mexico barbeque guests
26. Researchers Can See Thoughts
28. Whale Flatulence Stuns Scientists
29. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
30. U.S. Diplomat Expelled from Cuban Dog Club, Dog Stays
31. Van In Pork Pie Ambush
32. Divorce Is Like A Lonely Gerbil
33. War Dims Hope for Peace
34. Quarter Of A Million Chinese Live On Water
35. VW Beetle Starts up After Being Buried for 10 Years
36. Woman Accused Of Giving Bears Ice Cream
37. Police Sing For Animals
38. Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast
39. Right To Die Advocate Found Dead
40. Would She Climb To The Top Of Mr. Everest Again? Absolutely!
41. Caribbean Bananas Are Ethical Bananas –UK Minister
42. Tax Mooted For Flatulent Cows
43. Under Pressure at Work? Get a Life
44. Chinese Apeman Dated
45. Rhode Island to Honor Mr. Potato Head
46. Cocaine Use Hits New High
47. Rattle To Lead Berlin Philharmonic
48. Tarzan’s Loincloth Hid A Big Swinger
49. Portable Toilet Bombed Police Have Nothing To Go On
50. Magician’s Car Vanishes
51. Thomas the Tank Engine Discovered Driving Taxi
52. For Valentine’s Day, Try to Plan Your Spontaneity
53. Unconscious Can ‘Think’ But Not About Popcorn
54. Traffic Dead Rise Slowly
55. Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Mann
56. Floods Only Bring More Tears
57. Chocolate Biscuit Bites Man In Midnight Snack Attack
58. Few Britons Feel Death Had Lasting Effect On Them
59. Collegians Are Turning To Vegetables
60. Pit Bulls Love You, Really
61. Fiji Village to Apologize for Eating English Missionary
62. We’ve Rescued A Deer (We Found It In A Tree)
63. Flying Bishop Pursued
64. Belgian Man Saves Fish with Kiss of Life
65. Man-Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold As Pet Fish
66. Court Would Not Accept God Paid For TV License
67. Top Terror Fugitive Hid from Police on Nudist Beach
sixty-eight. Jury Clears Cow in Car Accident
69. Italian Plane Passengers See Flames, Vote to Land
70. Janet Jackson Has Another, Um, Single Out
71. Three Wise Men Refused Visas By Saudi Arabia
72. Celibacy Could Make Priests Extinct
73. Lesbian Cow Study Udderly Serious
74. Man Fined For Quacking
75. Fine Young Man Convicted Of Misdemeanor
76. Llama Drama Ding-Dong
77. Cattleman Grilled via Oprah’s Lawyers
8. You Can’t Buy Love, but Euro Brings Cheaper Sex
79. Expert: Ignorance May Worsen Situation
eighty. Zoo Rescues Tom Thumb
eighty-one. Save My Life, And I’ll Sue You, Warned Suicide Note
eighty-two. Humpty Dumpty Wins Award For Balance
eighty-three. India’s Nuclear Yeti
84. Great White Shark Battered To Death By Holidaymakers
85. It’s Always Best To Avoid Killer Bee Hives
86. National Slacker Day May Be Too Much Effort
87. School Says Boy in Drag Can’t Be Queen
88. Mrs. Corson’s Seat Up For Grabs
89. Nine Yard Men Turn Supergrass
ninety. Young Encouraged to Worship Bodies, Not Brains
ninety-one. Spaniard Hits Girlfriend at Anti-Violence Rally
ninety-two. Phantom Bus Didn’t Show
ninety-three. Stephen King Impersonator Steals five,000 Lobsters
ninety-four. Bring Back The Bongs, Say MPs
ninety-five. Alumni replace old School Pillars
96. Family Frantic As Mother Is Stolen
ninety-seven. 20-Year Friendship Ends At Altar
ninety-eight. Oprah, Madonna Talk Marriage
99. Officer Convicted Of Accepting Bride
a hundred. Nanny Calm As Troops Close In
one hundred and one. Lazy, Fat Dragons To Go On Crash Diet In Zoo
102. Weber’s international devotionals: Mount Joy minister encourages hurting humans through the World Wide Web
103. El Nino Blamed for Rising in Diarrhea in Peru
104. Your Chance to Spend More Time in Public Toilets
one hundred and five. Greek Bars Close Early In Protest At Early Closure
106. Oscar Proves God Is A Mexican
107. Hooked on the Internet? Help Is Just a Click Away
108. Lack Of Brains Hinders Research
109. Blue Skies Unless It’s Cloudy
a hundred and ten. We All Hope And Pray For Peach In Northern Ireland
111. Doggie Perfume Sets Tails Wagging
112. Ducks Banned From Duck Pond
113. You Want To Be Buried at the Moon?
114. Wanted: Suitable Position for Disoriented Indian Maharaja

Along with getting a few messages across, these truly gave the target market a smile on their faces.


Todd R. Brain

Beeraholic. Zombie fan. Amateur web evangelist. Troublemaker. Travel practitioner. General coffee expert. What gets me going now is managing jump ropes in Africa. Had a brief career working with Magic 8-Balls in Libya. Garnered an industry award while analyzing banjos in Prescott, AZ. Had moderate success promoting action figures in Pensacola, FL. Prior to my current job I was merchandising fatback in the aftermarket. Practiced in the art of importing gravy for no pay.